It wasn’t long after my Children received Their diagnosis of ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) that I ran into and old friend, during conversation I mentioned that they had recently been diagnosed with ASD. She instantly looked at my boy’s in their pram and without a moment’s hesitation replied with “Oh, well they don’t look Autistic! It’s obviously not extreme!”
This left me feeling perplexed because I’ve never met an Autistic person who has “a look”. What do they look like? How were my children suppose to look? Don’t get me wrong, now that i have been in the Autism community for over 4 years I can easily pick up on traits in another person who has ASD but there Just Isn’t “A LOOK”
I have met many people who have ASD all of which who are completely different from one another and I can tell you, non of them have “The Look!”
You see ASD is just that, a “Spectrum”. No one size fits all, each person is affected differently. Each person presents differently and it’s even harder to tell in Girls than it is in Boy’s as Girls “mask it” better.
There is no “easy Autism” , that just doesn’t exist! Regardless of the three levels of an ASD diagnosis, it doesn’t mean each level is easier. It also doesn’t mean that having a high functioning autistic child is easier than those who are low functioning.
Both my Children are high functioning, One is a level 2 and the other is a level 3.. my level 2 child is more extreme with his behavior than my level 3, yet both are extremely hard work and both require the same amount of care and have different extreme challenges.. neither one of them is easier than the other.. To say that someone “doesn’t look Autistic” or has “easy Autism” is extremely disrespectful, not only to the person who has ASD but also their caregivers!
You see, behind my ‘calm child’ in photos or my ‘happy child’ in videos it has taken me years of therapy and persistence to teach my children ways of coping in the world which is very over stimulating for them. I have spent many days confined to my house with both boy’s due to their aggressive outbursts, trying to hold it all together so that i can help them through their meltdowns and teach them better ways of dealing with their big emotions.
I have spent many nights crying because most of the world doesn’t accept my children and others like my children, it is a daily battle to advocate for my boy’s and get them the acceptance they deserve. People look at them having a meltdown in public and assume because they “don’t look Autistic” that they are being naughty and end up being extremely rude to us. People laugh at my Children for their public meltdowns or try and tell me how to parent my boy’s “give them a good smack, they’ll soon learn” or we get the snickering and death stares from passers by.
Sometimes I wish that Autism did have “a look” maybe people might be more understanding, maybe people would be kinder to those with ASD. Maybe the world would be more accepting if there was “A LOOK”. If Autism did have a ‘look’ would people be more considerate and understanding of a person who has Autism when they are having a hard time? Would the outside world be willing to lend a helping hand and be less judgemental, not only to our children but to us parents too?
So that leaves me with one last thing, a little food for thought. The next time someone says “my child has Autism” please don’t respond with “they don’t look Autistic” or “It must be mild”, it hurts. Perhaps asking questions about their Autism and try to gain an understanding about that person’s diagnosis without judgment. Show your support to the family or person and ACCEPT the diagnosis for what it is.. a Spectrum Disorder.
Elle
Our Autism Journey 